Traditional Witchcraft

I normally sing this to the tune of "Those Were the Days". And lay it on!
Once upon a time there was a coven.
It started life in 1452.
But the family history of each separate member
Went further back as these traditions do.

These are the days, my friend,
Let's make them never end.
We'll tell our tales, to crowds of envious fools.
We'll give them total rot:
We'll lie an awful lot,
For we can't lose, we know that we can't lose.

I'll admit that Wicca has some basic rituals
But Gardner never learned a witch's tricks.
If you want to learn about the old time witchcraft
Just come with us and we'll provide the fix.

These are the days, my friend…

We'll teach you all about astral projection.
You'll spy on anyone from miles away.
No need to pay a fortune for detection
You can watch your husband when he goes astray.

These are the days, my friend…

We'll teach you how to summon up a rainbow
You can make it windy or you make rain fall.
You'll never have to fear another hose ban
Cos you'll have the weather at your beck and call.

These are the days, my friend…

Don't let those nasty nightmares give you dayfrights.
We'll train you so you can control your dreams.
Not just your own but also those of others':
Just pick your night and boy you'll hear the screams.

These are the days, my friend…

If you think someone is trying to take you over.
If you've a bad case of the psychic blight.
We'll give your aura such a powerful shielding
You won't know if it's day or if it's night.

These are the days, my friend…

If you want to have all others at your bidding
If you want to make your boyfriend dance your tune.
We'll give you all the gifts you ever dreamed off –
Before you know it you'll be off on honeymoon.

These are the days, my friend…

If you seek for instant fame and greater riches
That's no problem to a witch of our long trad.
Or perhaps revenge's the thing you're after –
Then we can make your enemy feel real bad.

These are the days, my friend…

You may wonder how it is that you can find us.
You may scour the Yellow Pages for our ad.
But if you want us then you'll find we'll never take you.
It's the gullible we're after for our trad.

These are the days, my friend…

The next time that we turn up to your meeting,
The next time that you hear us boast our arts,
Just remember that we never need display them
And if you ask us to we'll hastily depart.

These are the days, my friend…

©Alexa Duir 2003

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