Jack Scrumpy

There were twelve men from Hereford
Whose throats were very dry
And these twelve men made a solemn vow
that Scrumpy Jack must die.

They cut his feet from under him
And pinned him to a root
And these twelve men made a solemn vow
Jack Scrumpy they would shoot.

They left him alone for a very long time
Then cut him down to size
But little Sir Jack's sprung up again
Much to their surprise.

And when he grew and multiplied
They thinned him out again
But he grew so hale and hearty then
They knew he was not slain.

The pinched him with their rough hewn nails
Until his skin was bruised
And did it again a week later
Until he felt ill used.

They hire'd men with their sticks so long
To beat his limbs with might
They've loaded his parts into the cart
and left them forty nights.

They hire'd men with their draught horses
To drag him to the chase
But then they served him worse than that
For they ground him to pomace.

They've taken him to the packing press
And wrapped him up in hair
And layered him up into the cheese
And squeezed him fair and square.

They've poured him in the wooden pipe
And left him there to rot
And topped him up from time to time
And bunged him to a stop.

They rolled him to a lonely shed
And left him on a rack.
Then they poured him in a jug
And called him Scrumpy Jack.

There's Munn's Red and Cherry Pearmain
Slack My Girdle and Red Streak.
There's Foxwhelp and Skyrme's Kernel
And Wilding Bitter-sweet.

There's White Norman and White Styre
White Must and Kingston Black
There's Hagloe Crab and South Quoining
And all are Scrumpy Jack.